Senator John Kerry's Mention of Lesbian Daughter Angers Cheney Family, Republican Leaders, and Others

In the third Presidential debate on October 13th, the moderator Bob Schieffer asked the candidates, President George W. Bush and Senator John Kerry: ... "Both of you are opposed to gay marriage. But to understand how you have come to that conclusion, I want to ask you a more basic question. Do you believe homosexuality is a choice?"



In response to Bob Schieffer’s question Senator John Kerry stated "We're all God's children, and I think if you were to talk to Dick Cheney's daughter, who is a lesbian, she would tell you that she's being who she was. She's being who she was born as. I think if you talk to anybody, it's not a choice."



There has been a lot of talk today about John Kerry’s mentioning Vice President Dick Cheney’s lesbian daughter in his response. The Vice President and his wife Lynne Cheney have been reported as being angry. Several other politicians including President Bush and John McCain have today criticized John Kerry for mentioning Mary Cheney.



When Senator Kerry mentioned Mary Cheney in the debate last night, I didn’t think twice about it, so I was surprised this morning at work to hear the first criticism of it from two of my work colleagues. As a gay man, I have tried today to image how I would feel and react if I were the son of a President or Vice-President running for reelection and I were held up as an example of a gay man that you could approach and ask "Did you choose to be gay?". I was able to imagine some feeling of embarrassment and discomfort and wish that I were not being put in the spotlight, however, I came to the conclusion that I would be happy to suffer that discomfort in light of the fact that John Kerry was doing more for me as a gay man than almost any other political leader; he was actually suggesting to Americans who still have some doubt on this question to actually ask a gay person!



I have been troubled that John Kerry’s words have become so disapproved of. In my “gay gut” I have tried to fathom what is behind the criticism. Is it that “we” are still ashamed of admitting to having gay family members? Is it that the controversy is politically motivated? Is it that so many Americans find it outrageous that a political leader should suggest we question our prejudices and challenge our beliefs by actually talking to gay people about their personal experiences as gay people? Either way, as a gay man, it leaves me with a knot in my stomach.



If you look at John Kerry’s statement, there is nothing malicious or negative in his words; basically he said that it is part of God's design that there are gay people, and then he issued a challenge to those who wonder about the question of whether it's a matter of choice or not to be gay to actually talk to gay people such as Mary Cheney. I believe it was appropriate and good for all Americans, gay or straight, for him to refer to someone who is widely known to be gay, to someone not hiding in their closet, not living a lie, and someone who is loved, accepted, and celebrated by her family. There was no "outing" in mentioning Mary Cheney, and no political risk to anyone since it has been a well-known fact for a long time. To me, John Kerry seems to be saying Mary Cheney is a good role model for gay people and someone that would be good to talk to about her experiences as a gay person.



Actually, I think the Cheney parents, who up till now have done nothing but celebrate their daughter, now do her a disservice to say that they are angry at John Kerry’s words. Their anger speaks to me either of exploitation of the situation for political ends (the very charge leveled at John Kerry in mentioning Mary Cheney), or if their emotional response is genuine, then it betrays some level of discomfort with the fact that their daughter is gay, the opposite of what they seem to have worked hard at convincing us of. If the Cheney’s got their wish, it would be off limits for us to talk publicly of Mary Cheney’s sexual identity, and of limits to do what John Kerry urged of us; to talk to gay people about their experiences. That would leave us where we are largely today; speaking of gay people behind their backs, and not to them. In other words, it would be to perpetuate the current not-so-good situation, and a continuation of unchallenged myths and familial and societal shame. In my opinion, to silence our leaders such as John Kerry from speaking out in the way he did fails to challenge those, who like President Bush, still don’t know if gay identity is a matter of choice or not; it robs gay people of our voice, and fails to encourage those who might challenge their beliefs by listening to gay voices.



Unfortunately, I suspect that the Cheney’s and the Republicans are playing politics with Mary Cheney; having been on the defensive all night in the debate about his Administration’s record, the Bush campaign made a decision to use John Kerry’s words to change the subject and to take the spotlight off of the Bush Administration’s failings.



To me the criticism should be leveled at the President’s answer to the same question: “You know, Bob, I don't know. I just don't know.” This equivocal response comes from the same President who has no question of doubt or hesitation in forming very black and white opinions on any other moral issue, such as abortion, stem cell research, the death penalty, and the execution of war. This is the President who is running on his ability to make tough decisions and to stick with them resolutely, and never to waiver in the face of unfavorable opinion polls. The President, in my opinion, “can run, but cannot hide” from his own record and was lying when he gave his answer. On top of the President’s clear record on moral issues, I am yet to meet a “born again Christian” who isn’t convinced that gay identity is a matter of choice, and that all we need to do is to turn to Jesus to be “cured”. Why isn't the President then being criticized today for his statements, first by his born-again Christian constituency for equivocating, and then by those concerned with gay rights for his disingenuous reply?



I don’t want a President who is disingenuous about his opinions about gay people. Such equivocation from our highest political leader does not make me feel safe. No, I congratulate John Kerry, who has endured no end of personal attacks on his own moral character and choices, and also of his wife too, for speaking out positively and strongly for gay people. He demonstrated that he will be a leader who is willing and unashamed to hold up strong and successful gay people as examples of citizens who contribute positively to society and who put a lie to the myths that surround gay people, such as gay people being sick and sinful and in need of cures and salvation.



I look forward to a President who has the courage to say to America, as John Kerry implied by his statements last night that “Gay people are not sick people who have some pathology that leads them to choose to be a member of the most vilified and hated minority in America and the world. Gay people can be proud and strong and successful and loved by their families and friends. Just ask Mary Cheney or any other gay person you know!”.



We look forward to a President who by his or her words challenges all the myths and fears that surround gay identity, starting with the lie that it is a matter of choice to be gay. We need Presidents who are willing to rip the veil from “the love that dare not speak its name”, and speak it out: “Yes, we all have gay family members, and let’s not hide them in some closet. Let us not betray them by failing to speak their names, by speaking their names only in a whisper, and by failing to speak to them of what probably counts most in their lives. Let us speak out their names and celebrate them! Let us speak to them!”